Part 4/4 "Finding my Flow through my Fears" blog series.
On the dawn of a new world in 2020, with a knowing that the time is here, now, for us ALL as an entire civilisation on Gaia comes online for an upgrade in the Golden Age and I find myself in practice for entering “gate 3”; my perceived last level of this game. Gate 3 in the book is called the No-Key-Gate; a keyless door made of Fantasian selenium that responds to the desires of those trying to pass through. Only those that don’t want to pass through, can. The more you desire, the more locked it remains.
So, how did Atreyu do it?
He was on a quest of a lifetime! But in the previous mirror-gate, he dropped his identity, he had no memory of past, he had no desires, he had only the present moment experience of being in pure joy. And so he passes through the final gate and he meets Uyulala, the voice of wisdom, in other words, he gains access to divine knowledge. Upgrade! Expansion!
The eye of the needle is much like the eye of the storm, but to pass through it safely, we can take nothing with us, no beliefs, no personality, no baggage, no density, no stuff. The eye of the needle is the zero-point, as we spiral in through the vortex in the void. Imagine being inside a black hole right now, traversing to singularity, to the still point/ zero-point which faces an opposite, mirrored white hole. It may feel terrifying in the void as the spin increases, the pressure builds, the earth is literally on the move beneath your feet, time speeds up and the intensity increases.
Stop for a moment. Breathe.
Now imagine that you are your own sovereign solar system, your own universe in the bubble-verse of many. Nothing is personal and yet the experience is entirely internal, for now, it is unique in its timing for us all. You are in the unknown, but you know the properties of zero-point, you know there is an adjoining white hole because you have already touched it, felt into it, been there before even.
You have built resilience, embraced your fears, done your internal work to release the density and the past, and you’ve allowed life to shred what was left of the false self. You have in a way trained for this moment. You have integrated your masculine and feminine energies and have called in all the forgotten and unloved aspects of your multidimensional being to be embodied as much as you can.
Now you look around for the life hack for this moment, there appears to be none. The moment feels unprecedented, and perhaps it truly is.
Panic. Fear ? No, you are long past that gate, just breathe.
Find your flow…
Gate number 3 appears…it’s inside your spinal column, you flow through the vertebrae as if you are the fluid, the dendrites prickle with electricity, sending sparks, like lightning bursts in your cells. The gate is shaped like an Ankh symbol; the key to life is vitality…The symbol of life itself.
Where are we going?
Aaaah, I see it... The portal is the heart.
There is nothing more vital than the heart.
Go IN and rest in silence.
Follow your life force as you breathe IN and then OUT.
More and more you begin to live HERE… And your response to the exterior circumstances of your life will begin to mirror your internal state. The result; better resilience, you handle life with more ease and grace, more peace and calm.
Learn to listen to your inner voice. Trust it.
I have looked back over the decades of challenges I faced, and checked in with the things and activities that brought me closest to this state, at times so much so, I could not stop doing them. But rather this, than some of the other addictions we use to distract ourselves from ourselves…All in the search for connection.
As a child, I rode horses, the unity in rhythm, a perfect entry point. And it allowed me to for hours disappear from my story running in my head and just be present in each moment. I had a horse whose nature was so defiant, so rebellious and who would often throw me off and leave me to walk home, she offered me a gift of tenacity, forming a deep resilience that who see me coming back each day to again to keep going with a practice of finding our natural rhythm together.
I became drawn to the state of mind of surfers…likely due to my own acute fear of sharks from an early age. My curiosity often asked what was going on in the mind of a surfer while being out there for hours beyond the break line…Appearing to me, to be at one with the ocean, with no thought of sharks.
Later in life, I found mountain biking to be a perfect activity for accessing the present moment or at very least the zone, given I was not living near the Alps … A loose grip but a single focus on the path just in front of you. Profound lessons for life just there. For a few years after my return to South Africa my dad I entered every mountain bike race we could, right up until I fell pregnant with my beautiful daughter Ella. As a single mother, hours on a bike was no longer a luxury I could entertain.
When I turned 40, I took up Latin & ballroom dancing…It reminded me to live life in each step, each note of music and just to be the beat and the space between, the moment I thought a thought… I was OUT of step, out of flow.
The fastest way IN, is really the simplest…To breathe deeply.
Breathing is one entry point, there are many. And ALL are process, none a destination point. Another practice I highly recommend as someone who has loved art from a young age and had art flowing in and out of my life’s journey, is just losing yourself in any activity that requires repetition, but no mind, no thinking, judging! Like doodling, colouring in patterns and creating mandalas, dripping paint patterns and marks on canvas with no expectation or control, releasing emotion through colour splash or stroke.
You will, if you allow yourself, find that what emerges is a feeling of calm, an inner peace that you can always reach and are never separate from. Having delved into art therapy both theoretically and practically, I have learned that it literally soothes the self…And soul.
I invite you to dare to dive, deep into the VOID, I discovered it was less of the dark abyss I feared may swallow me. I eventually allowed myself to fall in, letting go … I found a place of deep connection and creation, a place the restless voyager could, restore, regenerate, revive, renew, revitalize and rebirth. A place I know I can keep coming back to. It IS home.